John 18:16, 17, 25-27

Peter's Denial, Otto Dix

...but Peter had to wait outside at the door.
The other disciple, who was known to the high priest, came back,
spoke to the girl on duty there and brought Peter in.
"You are not one of his disciples, are you?" the girl at the door asked Peter.
He replied, "I am not."
As Simon Peter stood warming himself,
he was asked, "You are not one of his disciples, are you?"
He denied it, saying, "I am not."
One of the high priest's servants, a relative of the man who ear Peter had cut off, challenged him "Didn't I see you with him in the olive grove?"
Again Peter denied it,
and at that moment a rooster began to crow.

Do you have that pit-in-your-stomach feeling when you read this story of Simon Peter? I do. I do because I can identify with Peter's fear. How I see this and how I relate to Peter by projecting myself into the story: Peter is unaware of who he is, who Jesus is, the power in Jesus, and is more concerned about those around him and what they think of him. Peter is inhibited, strangled by other's perceptions. He thinks he is making his own decisions, following his own path, independent, but in reality he is one with the will of the world. But he also must face this shame, reject his Lord three times, in order to hate the world and become one with Christ's kingdom. His treachery slaps him in the face, punches him in the gut. He is disgusted. And through his hatred of self he lets go and turns to the only one He can - Christ and only then does he become who he was meant to be.

Sanctification.

Messy, dirty, humiliating, gets me on my knees.