Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Down But Not Out

I've been exercising fairly consistently for the past nine months. I've been using Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home Series. I started out with 3 miles and am now up to the 5 mile dvd at home and 4 days a week walk more 2 miles at a class at church. I wanted to get back into a bit of running so I bumped it up a bit by running during the 5 mile dvd (which is 65 minutes long), two sets of running of 20 minutes each. The other day I ran for 36 minutes straight. I'm feeling pretty good, fairly confident and eager to join the running club which begins on Tuesday (led by the high school's cross country coach). But I am apprehensive too. Nervous. So this morning I asked Dave if he wanted to go for a run. Just 2 miles. No biggie. I've been running for a couple months, in place, in air conditioning, on wood floors, at home. I was confident I could perhaps outrun Dave. Well, you know the saying, Pride.... Need I say more. 

My breathing was rapid, irregular, and I couldn't catch it. My mind repeated, "What the heck, I can't do this, what am I thinking..." I stopped not 3 blocks from the house and moped, "I can't do this!" Dave reassured me to relax, slow the breathing and go slowly. My mind, my negative, pessimistic mind was in control and clearly leading me to defeat. Weakly, with faint hope, I pushed on and ran down to the stop sign. We walked the length of a house and ran for 3 more blocks. Walked another block, turned around and ran  four blocks. Walked some more. Ran a bit and then walked back into the air-conditioned house. 

Defeated? That's what I felt like. Dave encouraged me that running in place is very different than running on the road. But more than that I realized how much of this running-thing for me is an exercise of my mind. My breathing and legs could take the pounding but my mind was constricted by doubt, by fear, by hopelessness. I caved into that defeat. Dave pulled me out, pulled me up, and urged me on. 

We'll run again tomorrow, perhaps at the high school track. I'm not giving up. I know my mind is the weakest part of this machine and I need to adjust it, exercise it, and train it to work for me and not against me.

6 comments:

Julo said...

I so know how you're feeling! I really do! I've fallen off the wagon because I'm pregnant, but I was easily running three miles at a good pace on the treadmill multiple times a week. It felt so good! Then I tried running outside and fell apart. It was sooo much harder. And that's totally normal! You might check out Galloway's Book of Running by Jeff Galloway from the library. It's considered the standard running book and very helpful. What you might try is to warm up for 10 minutes walking, then run in 2-3 minute intervals walking for a a few minutes in between until you can build up. You also tend to run faster, without even realizing it, when you're outside. For me I know I did because I thought people might be watching me!

These are somethings that really helped me. I suppose I'll be running again at the turn of the year :)

Lynn said...

I have always envied people who run, but I'm too lazy to get good at it myself! You should be proud of yourself despite the little incident :) I have been reading your blog, and I just wanted to say hi!
-Lynn

Anonymous said...

Keep at it! It does get better.

I Was Just Thinking.... said...

Thanks so much for your encouragement ladies.

Julo - I will check out that book. I'm curious to know the calorie count between in-place running and outdoor running. It's definitely easier on the knees to run in place.

Lynn - perhaps I'll embrace the running when I'm down a few more pounds. It just is too hard right now so I'll be returning to the indoor walking/running routine that has worked for me so well. Thanks for introducing yourself.

Orrange said...

keep it up. Dave is right, running outside is a totally different beast than running inside. I can run 3 miles inside without trouble... outside? it kicks my tail.
Does music help you? When I have a good running playlist it makes all the difference. That and a goal to be running for.... any run/walks you want to do in your area?

keep it up. you're beautiful and strong.

Orrange said...

keep it up. Dave is right, running outside is a totally different beast than running inside. I can run 3 miles inside without trouble... outside? it kicks my tail.
Does music help you? When I have a good running playlist it makes all the difference. That and a goal to be running for.... any run/walks you want to do in your area?

keep it up. you're beautiful and strong.