The build up to a merry celebration and after you think,
"What, that wasn't so merry nor gratifying."
And then you think,
that's what I'm celebrating, or supposed to be.
Boy do I feel guilty for thinking it's about me and
how come my husband can't read my mind and
get what I REALLY want instead of....!"
So I wallow in my self-pity of:
"I'm so petty"
"I'm so selfish"
...I said earlier that we don't give Christmas presents. Well, I caved. We usually open presents from aunts/uncles/grandparents on Christmas morning and save our presents till Epiphany. This Christmas there was little under the tree so I went out and bought little things for the kids to open. I caved. I succumbed to the stress of wanting to fit in with my kids so they had something to say when their friends asked, "What did you get for Christmas?"
And my only spiritual fall-back is that this teaches me that I will be discontented with the here and now because I'm supposed to be. What there is, what is offered, what is tempting is garbage in comparison to what will be, the kingdom to come, the banquet feast to be.
P.S. Happy New Year!