Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Ice Cream, Spider Solitaire and other weaknesses
Why are bad habits so easy to start and so hard to stop? Basic, basic, sin question. I know. But it pops in my head almost daily. I'm 46 years old and struggle continually with lack of discipline, selfishness and pursuit of mindless drivel. The addiction of the day...spider solitaire. Hardly a fatal distraction you may say, but it absorbs me. My days fade into oblivion when I play this game. And it could be any other game. My boys told me about a website called "Freeaddictinggames" and they aren't kidding. I would stay up to 1, 1:30am shooting balls, knocking down fast food bars, trying to match lines. I had to delete the download off my computer. For lent this past year I gave up spider solitaire. And I did well. Didn't play the game once. But when resurrection Sunday came...well, I did give it a few more weeks...I was back on. I, surprisingly, couldn't remember how to play at first. But like I said...so easy to start. I began at the medium level, just to refresh myself. I quickly moved up to hard. And that's where I am today.
When I think of the wasted minutes, nay, hours, I've spent on that game.... I am ashamed.
I think I have an addictive personality, if there is such a thing. That's not an excuse. But it seems odd that some people have no compunction toward things that I could get lost in. My husband, Dave, scoffs at solitaire, almost sneers when he sees it on the screen. It's incomprehensible to him how I could linger at the game. Same thing with chocolate. He could keep a bar in his desk drawer for months, years and not be tempted. Good luck with me for 15 minutes.
It seems I only become addicting to those things which are B-A-D...TV, computer games, surfing the web, ice cream, cadbury's chocolate, home decorating magazines... I could go on and on but I won't.
My consolation in all this is that my plethora of bad addictions pushes me to fall into the Lord's arms, continually asking for strength and continually reminding me of my utter depravity and total weakness. And so I fall. Maybe that's the position I should stay in, fallen, down-faced, on knees so that my face is not distracted by those temptations but looking only to his strength.